This afternoon I watched Oprah. They were discussing, yet again, the book, The Secret. Makes me crazy - I won't get into all that today. Basically today's show focused on the "Law of Attraction" = if you think positive things, positive things will happen to you. Some people actually have "vision boards." It's a bulletin board where you stick all the things you want out of life. The idea is that looking at it everyday will create a positive force of energy in your life or better yet, your higher power will bless you with those things. One lady had an amazing oven on her board - by golly she bought that exact one! (rolling eyes) One family had a vision board in their kitchen. The little girl (4-5 years old) explained it. "We put what we want on it - it helps make our dreams come true."
Of course I was pretty cynical about the whole thing. But, I have to say my ears perked up when they talked about having a love list. The idea was that if you are looking for a husband, should make a list of at least 100 qualities you want in a mate - even the color of his socks. My closest friends know that I once had a "list" - my list of 105 things I would like to be able to say about someone I would seriously date.
Here is my story:
To be honest, in the past, I really have had some difficulty in romance. About 9-10 years ago I really got tired of feeling like I had an idiot magnet on my head. I seemed to be attracting a high degree of dysfunction. I didn't trust myself to make good choices. So, I wrote a list of things I would like to be able to say about someone I was seriously dating. turned out to be 105 things, "The List" Some things were very serious, lots of things were very silly. A lot of it had more to do with the qualities I hoped that someone would see and appreciate in me. I thought that just creating the list would help protect me from an unhealthy relationship. In some respects, I guess it did... I didn't date.
Instead I focused on myself a bit - discovering for myself the qualities that should be appreciated. I involved myself in ministry. I had a purpose. One thing led to another—A life-changing opportunity. I took a children's ministry job in PA. When packing for my move, I found "The List." I ripped it up and threw it away, confident that marriage and a family beyond just Brad and I was not what God wanted for my life. His plan was ministry. So, I would throw myself into ministry. Then I met Ray.
We didn't date very long before we knew that there was something very special going on. It was time to consider if we should seriously consider a future together. Some would say, "It was time to fish or cut bait." I wrote a letter to Ray telling him all the wonderful things I was learning about him - and loved. At the end of the letter I realized that I had listed nearly all the things on my list of 105 things. Even the silly ones. The closer we got - the more I realized that Ray has all the things on "The List."
I don't have "The List" any more. When I ripped it up and tossed it out - I gave my dreams to God. Only then did God bless me with a wonderful husband and darling children too! But, we do still have the letter I wrote to Ray.
So... what's the deal? Was "The List" for God or me... or the "universe" of positive energy to give me what I want?
I think it stands the same as when I wrote it. It was just one of the little things I did to get me to a healthy frame of mind.
Sometimes I do believe that you need to let go of some things (dreams, pain, guilt, fear) so you can have some free hands to do some good stuff. Let God work it out.
